A key word to consider when we think of the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on our children is “LOSS”.  The sudden and drastic change experienced as of the 27^th of March this year has brought about unprecedented losses and stressors for our children and our families. 

A trauma is defined as, “an incident or event that is sudden, unexpected and life-changing”.  The pandemic can be described as traumatic in that suddenly and unexpectedly we lost our “way of being” – schooling moved online for many;  sport, music, drama and dance activities were cancelled; tours and camps postponed; a fear of contracting the virus developed; physical connection with friends and family members were stopped; social isolation called for; financial and economic stressors affected families; some experienced the death of someone close, to the virus; the possibility of not having a Matric Farewell, Awards Evenings or a Valedictory Service became real and so the losses have accumulated in the last 5 months and continue to accrue.

As a result, the impact of these losses have resulted in calls to mental health call-centres having almost tripled; workplaces have retrenched many employees; violence in the home has increased; social isolation and loneliness increased suicide risk; many people have been unable to access basic necessities; many of those struggling with anxiety and depression prior to the pandemic have experienced a relapse; COVID fatigue has set in; negative health issues increased due to a lack of exercise, boredom and complacency, and increased suicide attempts and deaths have been reported.

Innovative approaches to addressing mental health and suicide risk are necessary and possible.  The first step in doing so is to acknowledge that NO ONE is immune to the onset of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts and risk during this period of change.  How then can we identify the warning signs that my child, partner, friend, student, or colleague is not doing okay and may be at risk?

Those who study suicidology tell us that the primary underlying features that can contribute to suicide deaths is:

• Depression
• A lack of a sense of belonging
• A sense of being a burden
• Hopelessness and shame
• A desire to end the emotional pain experienced 
• No sense of purpose or meaning

The impact of the COVID pandemic as detailed above can result in each of these contributory factors, thus increasing the risk for suicide.   In fact, individuals who have been suicidal before could have a spike in suicidal risk under the current circumstances.  So how do we identify if someone may be mentally unwell, struggling or a suicide risk:

First, we want to observe and become aware of:

• The actions that we see
•  The words and phrases we hear
•  The feelings being expressed and sensed and
•  The life circumstances being experienced.

What do I see?

• Change in usual behaviour
• Withdrawal / Isolation
• Lack of personal hygiene
• Extreme mood swings
• No appetite / Eating too much
• Insomnia / Sleeping a lot
• Interest in celebrity suicide deaths
• Use of substances or increase in
• Loss of interest in hobbies / interests
• Risky or reckless behaviours
• Talking or writing about suicide on social media
• Giving away prized possessions
• Researching / Googling “How to suicide”
• Low mood but then a sense of relief
• Self-harm – cutting, burning, creating pain

What do I hear?

• You will be better off without me
• I do not belong
• I am a burden
• No one will notice if I am not here
• I am so tired
• There is no purpose or meaning to my life
• You will see….
• No one can help me
• Why must I be just so others can be okay?
• I am a worthless failure
• I can no longer provide for my family
• I am useless

What Feelings Do I Sense?

• Immense sadness
• Hopelessness
• Helplessness
• Shame
• Fear / anxious / agitated
• Anger / rage
• Desire to seek revenge
• Worthless
• Boredom
• Trapped

Life Events Experienced

• Effects of a pandemic
• Isolation
• Rejection
• Break-up of a relationship
• Conflict or violence in the home
• Bullying
• Abuse / neglect
• Work overload
• Adjustment to change in learning
• Loss / death of a loved one
• Illness or health issues
• Financial stressors
• Change is academic results
• Inability to play sport or exercise

An acronym that I use to help me remember the warning signs that may indicate a high suicide risk is: “IS PATH WARM”

So, what do you do if you identify a number of the warning signs presented in a child, family member or a friend?  It is of life and death importance that we now engage with this person and ASK them if they are having suicidal thoughts.  The burden to engage rests with us as the suicidal person has been subtly indicating through their actions, words, feelings, and life events, that they are not well. Now that we have identified and heard these invitations, because we now know what we are listening and looking for, can we act.    

Mental health issues and suicidality will only be treated and prevented when we begin to talk about the issues.  If we avoid talking to a person in crisis then we continue to emphasise that they cannot be helped, that we are afraid of their pain and we continue to highlight the stigma that accompanies these issues.

We can engage in a conversation in the following way:

“I have been noticing that you have been very sad and tearful lately, you get angry quickly, you have been isolating yourself, posting messages about death on social media, sleeping more than usual, not eating very much and I have heard you repeatedly say that there is no purpose to your life and that you are a failure.  I also know that you have recently broken up with your boy/girlfriend.  People who present in a similar manner often experience suicidal thoughts, could you be thinking of suicide?“

They could acknowledge that they are feeling suicidal or express that they are not having thoughts of suicide but move on to explain what they may be struggling with.  It is important to remember that by asking them if they are having thoughts of suicide, you do not have the power to give them such thoughts.  Rather they will be so relieved to be heard and understood by someone that they genuinely will open up and want to talk about their pain and their thoughts and plans.

The goal is to open the door to talk about what may be bringing suicide into this person’s life.  It is not to try and fix all their issues, convince them that what they are feeling is not okay or will pass or discuss the impact of their suicide death on those left behind.  But it is to sit with that person in their pain and empathically talk through their pain.  You feel …. because … is a good tool to express empathic understanding. 

However, you cannot assist your child, family member, friend on your own.  Now that you have identified that they are at potential risk of suicide, it is of vital importance to negotiate with them that you will need to involve a professional, so as to ensure that they get the best help moving forward.  You can say something along the lines of, “I cannot run the risk of losing you, we need to get someone else to help.”

Therapeutic support, risk assessment and suicide prevention counselling for learners and their family members who may be struggling mentally and emotionally during this period can be found at THRIVE – it’s a lifestyle at Xavier Boulevard, Winchester Hills, Johannesburg South.  This brand-new Wellness Hub offers a warm, safe, and comfortable counselling space and has been created with this purpose in mind, amongst others.

If you, or a family member, are experiencing signs of depression and / or anxiety, suicidal thoughts or you just need to talk through the impact of the pandemic on you and your struggle with the adjustment to the drastic change, then please contact Lorraine Mitchell at 0845601003 or Lorraine@perception-sa.co.za.    

Should you or someone close to you not be requiring counselling or therapeutic intervention but acknowledge that the adjustment to the numerous changes being experienced are taking its toll emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally and psychologically, then here are a few practical and creative ideas to consider to assist us develop the resilience we need to journey through this time:

• Stay connected, physical distance does not mean social isolation.
• If you know persons that are feeling disconnected, alone and a limited sense of belonging – connect with them, show compassion and care, send messages and texts.
• If not addressed, experiences of overwhelming loneliness, sadness or lack of meaning may continue long after the lockdown has ended. Individuals who experience depression and loneliness after the lockdown should reach out to others, try to eat healthy foods, do fun things and exercise more.
• As a community, possibly try to assist to restore some of what they have lost due to the pandemic and lockdown – Offer a meal, a food parcel, a job that they can do for you. 
• Value persons around us, highlight that no one is a burden. 
• Mobilise the school to organise a Zoom / mini Matric farewell and graduation. 
• Be creative – think out of the box in our “new normal” existence. 
• It is equally important for organisations to include mental health as a critical factor in their business planning and strategies going forward.
• Most importantly, do something every day to help build resilience and implement strategies to look after your own mental health so that you can prevent any crises or escalation.  Remember – No one is immune!
•  Limit reading or listening to the news to a few accurate, reliable sources.  Do not overload your thoughts with negative information. 
• For people with pre-existing mental health conditions, now is not the time to stop or wean off your psychiatric medicines. Speak to your Doctor before changing your medical care.
• If you are in a difficult, conflictual, or unsafe environment – remove yourself.  Go to a family member or friend.  Do not remain in toxic and dangerous spaces.
• We need to act now to address the mental health needs associated with the pandemic, to reduce the enormous long-term consequences for families, communities, and societies.

There may be optimistic considerations, a silver lining to the current situation. One hypothesis is the so-called pulling together effect, whereby individuals undergoing a shared experience might support one another, thus strengthening social connectedness.  The recent advancements in technology (for example, video conferencing and telehealth options) might facilitate pulling together.  Pandemics may also alter one’s views on health and mortality, making life more precious, death more fearsome, and suicide hopefully, less likely.  

The key to our well-being during this time is to be aware of what we need to ensure connectedness, holistic health and stability and actively seek this out for ourselves and those around us.

The post How Can We Ensure The Mental Health and Safety of Our Children During Covid-19? appeared first on Thrive.

Looking back at my life, if anyone had to tell me 20 years ago that I would survive betrayal, deceit, infidelity, two failed marriages, two miscarriages, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, financial ruin, weight gain and four career changes before the age of 40… I would laugh so loudly that everyone in the room would immediately know I’m Mediterranean (It’s just how I laugh… lol) and I would naturally eventually say… “I would never be able to survive that!” – but you know what, I DID and I’m so incredibly happy I was given that path to shape my journey the way that it did.

Truth is, nothing in our lives happens by chance – every detail has a purpose – like the threads in a beautifully woven quilt, whether it reveals itself immediately or 20 years later, the fact remains that it will eventually all create an incredible pattern filled with depth and colour that will absolutely leave us breathless just by looking at it! It’s difficult to accept that everything happens for a reason or that everything is intended to happen in our lives exactly as it should, especially when it carries so much pain, but I truly believe this is the case.

About five years ago, as I began my journey into my second divorce, someone explained to me how they believed that each soul is shown the life they will live before they are given a body to live out that exact life, meaning that each and every one of us has actually watched the “movie of our lives” in detail (so, not the short, romantic “trailer” version) and actually CHOSE to live it anyway. I can’t explain the rage I felt! Really?! “So you mean to say I chose to live through all this pain?!” I exclaimed in complete disgust, for the mere thought that this could in any way be possible. Yet, here I sit today, utterly nestled in the understanding of this profound theory, and feeling truly blessed to be at a point in my life that I simply get it and more shockingly – I feel immense gratitude.

You know how it is believed that in order to know true happiness, one requires to feel deep sadness? Well, it is only in the absence of anything that we are able to appreciate its presence, and only in the true presence of anything are we able to appreciate its absence – so is life. I would have never understood a journey destined to find inner peace and healing had I not experience a journey filled with chaos and pain. How can I feel anything but gratitude for every person that has caused me pain in my life, for they have taught me to appreciate every single person that has come into my life thereafter, to show me love, light, friendship, and trust.

Today I am able to enjoy my own company, where before, I could be in a room full of people and still feel inconsolably lonely. I cannot begin to explain the freedom one experiences when you are able to make YOURSELF HAPPY. I know that may sound strange, but don’t most of us turn to things and people, especially partners, to MAKE US HAPPY? I know I did! For a VERY LONG TIME, I placed that responsibility on others. But today, TODAY I find happiness within me. Finding happiness within is the only way to truly experience happiness with anything or anyone else. Today I make it MY responsibility to ensure that I am following the whispers of MY soul so I can walk MY journey towards fulfilment.

This is why Thrive – It’s A Lifestyle is so incredibly important to me. It’s more than just a wellness hub, it’s a home. A home to everyone looking to find themselves and each other. A home to children looking for guidance, inspiration and healing. A home for women searching for their voice, their worth, and their why. It’s for men wanting to lead with compassion, nurturing, and understanding. For families looking for connection, excitement, and community. It’s for everyone wanting to grow, transform, and flourish. This wellness hub is a welcoming, loving and nurturing home, where we can learn to live our best lives, together.

For many years, I wasted time focused on my destination, and if the last few years have taught me anything, it’s that the journey itself IS the destination. I want to share my journey with everyone that walks through these front doors. I want my experiences to serve as inspiration and guidance to all those needing it. I want to invite wellness professionals with the same experiences and passion to help others to join me in helping make this world, OUR WORLD, a better place: one person, family, and community at a time.

It’s time we take the time and PAY ATTENTION to the little things; stop and literally smell the roses, take note of what is said to us and how we make people feel, and how they make us feel. Let’s really notice and remember – especially the good stuff – because our life is happening NOW, and if we’re not paying attention, it may pass us by without us even taking any notice.

So, as we continue to step into 2020, let’s dig up our goals and dreams, and let’s remember how WORTHY we are, how incredibly STRONG we are, and how we CAN actually survive ANYTHING thrown at us and truly THRIVE!

Remember, WE CHOSE THIS LIFE FOR A REASON, so let’s TRUST our judgment and REALLY make it count!

The post I would never be able to survive that appeared first on Thrive.